I Wrote a Kids Book!

And you can buy it... right now!

Okay I’m gonna do the blurb right up top.

I wrote a kids book and it’s available to buy right now!

It’s called Toilet Time Machine and it’s illustrated by Ruby Innes — who is a genius and the funniest person on the internet

Think a poop-fuelled Back to the Future/Honey I Shrunk the Kids with massive Round the Twist/Goosebumps energy and you’re halfway there. There’s also a big One Piece influence, because I’m obsessed with it. I wanted Toilet Time Machine to be funny, weird and also pack an emotional wallop.

I’m really proud of it.

It tells the story of Max, a 10-year-old boy who’s recently lost his mother. But it’s also the story of a father who, in an attempt to save his wife, accidentally built a time machine out of a portaloo. When Max’s 5-year-old brother accidentally activates the machine, chaos reigns. My 12-year-old said he laughed and cried. That's a big deal. He rarely laughs. And he never cries. My 9-year-old said — his words — that it was “BETTER THAN MATILDA”.

That’s as good a review as I’m ever likely to get in my life. Check my Spotify Wrapped: it’s the Matilda soundtrack and nothing else BUT the Matilda soundtrack.

Toilet Time Machine has been in the works for ages.

It’s based on stories I made up on the spot to help my kids get to sleep. They got bored of their books so I invented the TOILET TIME MACHINE, a fictional device that could transform my kids into any age they wanted to be. One night they wanted a story when I turned into a baby and they had to change my nappy! Next night they wanted a story where one of them became an OLD MAN. I would take those ideas and spin a story on the spot, different every night. That’s when I started to think… maybe I should write something down?

Years later I’ve finally published the thing.

At this point I want to give the illustrator Ruby Innes the hugest possible shout out. I first saw Ruby’s work on Kotaku Australia and I loved it immediately. When I started thinking about who could help bring Toilet Time Machine to life she was my first and only choice.

I took ages to reach out to Ruby. I didn’t want to be a hassle or put someone in a spot where they felt they had to do something they didn’t wanna do. When I eventually asked her the answer was a resounding yes! Turned out illustrating a kids book was a long time dream of hers. Watching her work was easily my favourite part of this project. When the images poured in I lost track of the amount of times I teared up. It was so incredible to watch someone else get it! And bring it to life in their own unique way. Ruby cooked here. She is the GOAT.

Okay, I’ll stop now. I hope you enjoy the book (if you buy it — and personally I highly recommend buying it!)

”ONE SMALL POOP FOR MAN. ONE GIANT FLUSH FOR MANKIND”